It's been hard to find time to sit and type lately; we've been traveling so much that we can hardly catch our breath. But I wanted to share with you, our few readers, how much God's been moving and speaking and working in us, and Being God on our behalf throughout 2011.
It's been a hard year. I find reassurance and encouragement at the fact that my Grandma, at nearly 80, said God is still teaching her and re-teaching her what it means to have faith. And my mom is saying the same thing...so being that I'm 26, I have a long road ahead of me. (Honestly, that partly daunts me, and partly excites me). For now, I take one day at a time.
So let me back up and say that as a person, I am a go-getter, type A personality, git-er-done kinda gal.. The kind of girl that drives my very diligent, very responsible, but less aggressive husband crazy at times. This aspect of who God made me to be brought me great success in previous work situations, and had been strengthened over time to become more efficient in many areas of skill. So, starting a new non-profit was not only the loudest calling from God that Jesse and I have ever heard (Romans 8:28), but also one that excited me greatly. Everything about starting up a new venture is what I was made for.
Our year started out with some photography work for me ( I run a studio out of our home) and a lot of grant writing for Saddle Lights. In six weeks I sent out almost 30 grant requests around the country seeking funding. Woof. (as my sister in law says!) That was a lot of work. We had our hopes up high about God's provision, and set out to do many other tasks involved in continuing the launch of SL. The wait til April and June (when most of those grants would be reviewed) felt like forever. We finally received word back from all of them in June that we were not funded.
Back to SL: the amount of networking, sharing, management, marketing, etc that is required for SL is what I was geared for, so to speak. And in wisdom we have been counseled in two ways, both that God has given us gifts/talents/abilities to use towards the tasks at hand, and that we are to work hard using those to achieve what's in front of us....and the other side being, that we act on complete faith, not doing a single thing, and watch Him show up in His very glorious, God sized way. Over time, His word has made it abundantly clear that it's not an either/or situation. It's a both for Saddle Lights.
We have labored, worked, called, accomplished, and prayed fiercely. We have also known that God doesn't need us to do any of that for Him to accomplish what He wants to accomplish. So we've hit a point where we've knocked on every door we (and everyone else we've spoken with) can think of, without a 'yes', and only a 'wait'. At this point, we've ceased our strivings and started only abiding, waiting on His timing.
Getting to that point, though, was not an easy lesson learned. Three different times this year, God has had to tell me in very hard ways, that His timing, is His timing, The first two times, I had to endure very unpleasant, painful circumstances, wondering why He was allowing this and not providing when I was begging Him to. And very clearly, both times, He used different people to tell me that His timing was His timing, and even if I don't understand it, or like it, He is God, and I must trust Him. The third time was in His abundant provision. Provision I have prayed for, for three years, and then stopped praying for, because I finally released the desire to Him. And just when I needed it the most, even though I'd stopped seeking it, He provided it more abundantly than I could've hoped for over. Not a second too soon, nor too late, because His timing is perfect. And above all, it's His.
So for Saddle Lights, we are still waiting; abiding, and waiting.
Now Jesse and I have the chance to plug in with our church small groups again, and I have the exciting chance to mentor two Senior-in-HS girls. I am so excited about the learning they're getting and the learning I'm getting, finally being on "the other side" of the mentorship picture. No matter what we do, or where we go, God has a purpose in all of it, and He gives us strength to stand in Him.
My life verse, Romans 8:28 is what I live by, trust and faith in Him. The Bible figure, Daniel, has always been my role model, strong in spirit, honest in character, filled with integrity, faced with adversity. We have had many trials this year, but we stand stronger Him because of them.
Kelly